Love is a wonderful thing to share and experience. There are times in everyone's life
that one feels they may have lacked self-love. The goal is to get to the point of understanding the importance of self-love and to act upon those words. Some may find it easier and some hard. I was able to find someone who was willing to share their thoughts on the subject of loving oneself. I asked her a number of questions and she answered them openly. Before sharing our short conversation, I want to thank her for offering her time, words, and life with us in her answers. I would like to send love and positive vibes her way as a thank you for her doing this, as I am very grateful! Hearing the experiences of others helps us understand different things in different ways and that is why we are sharing this, to help open your mind to recieiving more love and praciticing it yourself! I hope you enjoy!
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| Martaposemuckel - Pixabay |
Sara: What is your story relating to Love and Self-Love? How has loving yourself changed your life?
Emily: Over the past few months, I have come to realize that I have neglected myself almost my entire life. I have failed to take care of both my physical and mental well-being - always making excuses or guilt-tripping myself for why I couldn't or why I shouldn't. I finally reached a point where I decided: "Enough!" I have one life, one body, one chance at this, and I deserve to feel loved, worthwhile, and above all else - happy. Since this revelation, I have taken small steps every day to empower myself and build my confidence. It has been so rewarding! The joy I have felt over the last few months far outweighs the anguish I endured for nearly a lifetime.
It is never too late to make a change; to make the conscious choice of wanting to live a happier, healthier lifestyle. This is exactly what Emily did in deciding that she was ready to move forward with finding the peace and love within herself that her soul has been wanting since the day she was born. Know that it is okay if it took you some time to come to this place, for Emily, 31 years. We are not perfect, we are learning, rather remembering, as I once read in the book "Conversations with God".
Sara: How would you define Love?
Emily: Love is the strongest, often time most positive feeling you can ever experience. At its best, love is happiness, caring, and comfort. At times, love can be worrisome, overwhelming, and stressful. But no matter which end of the spectrum you are experiencing love, there is always a positive aspect to it. Love is a wonderful feeling, and should be expressed, shared, and spread every day!
Everything negative is just an illusion. It is a lie. Whether or not you are feeling positive or not, love always exists. The worry and stress doesn't need to exist. It is just something that we allow into our world because we think it makes sense to us in accordance to what is happening in our life. Love is a wonderful feeling, indeed! However, sometimes that negativity is blocking it from coming through. Allow love in and release the negativity!
Sara: How do you practice Self-Love? Do you find it hard to keep up with?
Emily: Self love is a new concept for me. It is not something I usually "put much stock in." But I am learning the importance of Self Love by practicing every day. That said, I do find it hard to keep up with. At times, it can feel like a chore, or something that comes as an inconvienence when I am busy. But I have to remind myself every day of how important it is, and how much better I will feel if I just did one small thing for myself, even if it was just to pay myself a compliment. "I feel pretty when I wear my hair like this." "I look good in this sweater." "That was nice of me to help that woman put her heavy groceries into her trunk." These small affirmations add up to one big, great feeling very quickly.
It is always important to remember to take care of yourself every day. Life is always happening and some people have a hard time stepping out of their busy life to do something for themselves. When you do good things for yourself, it will make you feel good. Every day, I try to do something for myself that will bring a little bit of joy into my life. Whether it is reading a book, writing, reading positive things in articles or on my phone apps. I make time for it because I know it makes me feel good and I like that feeling. I know I have to keep up with it so I can continue to feel good. You have to act upon Self Love in order for it's presence to stay with you. Love is always with us, but if we forget to do the things we love, the things that bring happiness into our lives, then we won't feel the love as much and this is exactly what Emily speaks about.
Sara: What happened that made you focus more on loving yourself?
Emily: A lifetime of feeling unworthy, and at least a year of feeling like I was not valued or respected. I finally reached a point where I decided I did not want to feel like that anymore, because it made me miserable, and I just wanted to be (and deserved to feel) happy. So I changed my attitude, and am taking small strides every day to change my life.
Many people struggle with feeling like they are not worthy or that they don't deserve this or that. Often times, we pick these beliefs up from other people and it just is not true. But we see it and experience it so we are automatically convinced. We never actually take the time to think or say "How does this make any sense." or "How is it reasonably justified." Every one of us deserves happiness and love and don't let any one, any thing, or any situation convince you otherwise!
Sara: Why is loving yourself and taking care of your needs so important?
Emily: Because failing to do so will only lead to a lifetime of sadness and feelings of unworthiness, and that is NEVER acceptable or ever the case.
Enough said. I always think, if you wouldn't want your children to feel negatively about themselves or ignore their needs, then you shouldn't either!
Sara: Do you believe that you must always take care of yourself first, before you can help others? Or do you think we need to put others before ourselves?
Emily: This is a tricky question, because there are benefits to both. Taking care of yourself first allows you to feel good, which, in turn, allows you to better help those around you. If you feel strong, empowered, confident, you can take those feelings and help others feel the same way about themselves. Happiness tends to be contagious. However, in an era where everyone tends to be very "me-focused" (posting about MYself, MY life, and MY feelings on facebook; showing off what I am about to eat on Instagram; creating boards showing and collecting MY interests on Pinterest), it is important to acknowledge others and their needs - THEIR lives - and show genuine interest and support in everything that they do. Doing so ensures that they feel valued, respected, and worthwhile. That you care about them.
TanteTati - Pixabay
I think it is very important to give and to help others. In a book I am currently reading, which is "A Return To Love" by Marianne Williamson, I've come to the realization that, yes, we are all one. When you ignore to help others or are rude or mean to them, you are really directing those same feelings and actions towards yourself. I think it is crucial to be selfish with yourself at times becuase you are just as important as the next person in line. And you can't help others if you can't help yourself. This question really can become a revolving door and that is what Emily's response reminds me of. The two go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other.
Sara: When you think of loving yourself and taking care of yourself, how does it make you feel compared to actually taking action?
Emily: It's one thing to talk the talk, and another to actually walk the walk. It does no good to say "I am going to start jogging, and I am going to get so healthy and be in such great shape and look good!" but then just stay on the couch. The same goes for loving yourself. You have to practice what you preach. If you say "I am nice," you have to go do nice things to keep that momentum up. If you say "I am caring," you have to help others in order for it to remain true. If you say "I am worthwhile," you have to prove to yourself every day that that is actually the case. Actions speak louder than words. If you only say these things to yourself, but not actually act on them, after a while, you start to doubt them. (Maybe I'm not nice, because when was the last time I ever paid someone a compliment, or helped someone out with something just for the sake of it?... Obviously, I'm not caring, because when that bad thing happened, I didn't do anything about it. I didn't help... I haven't seen any of my friends in weeks. Maybe I'm not worthwhile. Maybe they never actually liked or cared for me, because if they did, they would have called by now...)
I love this. Don't just talk the talk. You have to walk the walk! Don't expect to feel good and love without actually taking any steps to feel those emotions. I think that sometimes with some things in life, you have to make it happen. Make it a goal to meditate once a week, or to paint your nails once a month, or to make yourself an awesome breakfast every day! You have the ability to make it happen. Every day is an opportunity to love yourself and others around you. Start today! Start now!
Sara: When you are feeling doubtful and unworthy, how do you pull yourself out of that negative frame of mind and re-focus it to love?
Emily: When I am feeling doubtful and/or unworthy, I reach out to the people I trust and love - for example, my best friend or my husband. I recognize that when I am feeling "down", I have a tendency to get stuck there, so I need the support and encouragement of those I hold most dear to help lift me/my spirits back up. Their positive insights and productive perspectives help me acknowledge that I am stuck in the rut that is my negative feelings, and that these feelings are not true and/or justified, and that I am being too hard on myself and not allowing myself to see all the good that I have to offer.
One of the big things that caught my attention in Emily's answer to this question was justifying your behavior that is unloving to yourself. I think we all have done something that wasn't the best for us, in terms of not loving ourselves, then we made up an excuse in our mind as to why it was okay to do that, why it was okay to ignore our needs of love and acceptance from ourselves. In the past, I never really loved to spend money on myself. I just couldn't justify it. Even though, sometimes I needed to spend money on myself to get something I needed and when I did get that item, I would feel bad about it because I had myself convinced that I didn't need that kind of love. In reality, I was feeling so badly because I was lacking the love. If you can recognize that you are justifying your actions by making excuses that is the first step in changing your view on loving yourself. With help, I don't feel the negative, unloving feelings that I used to when it comes to spending money on myself. Hopefully, all of you can get to a similar place with whatever you are facing when it comes to self-love.
Sara: What would your advice be for others who are trying to practice Self-Love?
Emily: As hard as it may be/seem, DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT LITTLE VOICE INSIDE YOUR HEAD. Remind yourself daily of all the great you have to offer to the world. Think of the friends and family members who care about and love you. Think of the little things that you DO do on a daily basis that improve others' days - even if it's as simple of a gesture as holding the door for someone! Find confidence in your uniqueness. Do not be self-conscious about your mole, or the scar you have on your leg from that horrible bike accident you have when you were nine- EMBRACE IT. You endured a painful accident, and you came out stronger and wiser than you were before it happened. Be PROUD of that! It's what makes you YOU. And YOU are wonderful. A force to be reckoned with.
You have to learn to let your positive voice speak over the negative one that thrives off all those bad feelings of hatred and unworthiness. This isn't always easy, but important when it comes to feeling good about yourself. Your ego will always try to make you feel like you need this or that in order to be happy, but your ego doesn't really know what is going to make you happy. Your ego is there to help keep you out of harms way in a sense. So when you are thinking that you don't have this or don't look like that, that is your ego chiming in and comparing yourself with others. Words of advice, stop comparing yourself to anyone else you see. Everyone in the world is different and we are all unique, like Emily says, in our own ways. You have to learn to embrace it. Not one of us is the same. We all were created different. Learn to love yourself the way you are instead of the version of you that is compared with someone who you think looks perfect or has everything.
Self-love isn't something that is learned at the snap of a finger. It is continuous. It is habit. You have to work at it everyday, much like other things in life. Self-love is one thing, that will give you back something much grander than one could ever imagine. You have what it takes in you to make the shift in your world. You have what it takes to love yourself and to accept yourself as you are. You are worth every bit of it! To end, the first step is always the hardest. Don't get discouraged. Keep your head held high and in moments of weakness turn to those that you love that can help bring you right back on to that next step! Enjoy the never ending staircase of love!
Thank you for reading! If you are interested in participating in future interviews, please email info@happinesstalks.com.
Sara
Happiness Talks
www.happinesstalks.com
